The Quiet Ways We Abandon Ourselves (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)

Most women I work with aren’t stuck because they don’t know what to do.

They’re stuck because, somewhere along the way, they learned to override themselves.

Not dramatically.Not all at once.Quietly. Slowly. Repeatedly.

This usually doesn’t come from weakness or lack of awareness.It comes from conditioning.

From learning—often very early—that being loved, safe, or accepted required you to soften, shrink, or second-guess what you felt to be true.

Over time, this becomes so normal that it doesn’t even register as self-abandonment. It just feels like “being responsible,” “being kind,” or “being realistic.” Until one day, something feels off.

The Subtle Patterns That Keep Repeating

If any of the following feel familiar, pause—not to judge yourself, but to notice.

✔ Talk yourself out of what you feel

✔ Stay quiet to keep the peace

✔ Choose what’s expected instead of what’s true

✔ Delay your desires “until later”

These aren’t personal failures.

They’re learned survival strategies.

At some point, these behaviors likely protected you. They helped you belong. They helped you stay safe. They helped you get through something that required you to put yourself second.

The problem isn’t that you learned them.

The problem is continuing to live by them long after they’ve stopped serving you.

Why Awareness Is the Work

Here’s what most people get wrong about change:

They think transformation starts with action.

In reality, it starts with recognition.

The moment you see a pattern clearly—without excusing it and without shaming yourself—something loosens.

You begin to realize:

• You’re not broken

• You’re not behind

• You’re not failing at “doing the work”

You’re simply living from habits that were formed in a different season of your life.

And seasons are allowed to change.

You Don’t Need to Fix This Yet

This part matters.

You do not need to:

• Confront everyone

• Make big declarations

• Burn your life down

• Force confidence you don’t feel

Noticing is enough for now.

Pay attention to the moments when you:

• Say yes when you mean no

• Feel something and immediately explain it away

• Minimize what you want

• Tell yourself “later” when your body says “now”

These moments aren’t problems to solve.They’re information.

And information gives you choice.

This Is How the Story Begins to Change

Rewriting your story doesn’t happen in one bold moment.

It happens when you stop betraying yourself in small, everyday ways.

When you pause instead of overriding.When you listen instead of dismissing.When you allow yourself to want what you want—without justifying it.

That’s where self-trust is rebuilt.That’s where power quietly returns.That’s where she starts to reappear.  You don’t need to rush this.You don’t need to perform it.You just need to stay honest.

And that honesty—over time—changes everything.

If this resonated.....

If something in you softened, stirred, or whispered this is me—that awareness matters.

This is the work.

And you’re already in it.